I can see cleaaaarly now

LASIK is the best thing since sliced bread. It is so friggin awesome. Seriously. Being able to see without having to get up and put my contacts in and go through the whole hooptydoopdycrapola is just amazing.

The procedure is seriously so quick and easy and painless. Everyone had been telling me that, but I was still in AWE of how TRULY quick & easy & painless it actually was. It's over before you even have a chance to freak out about it. And the whole "going blind for a few seconds thing" isn't NEARLY as dramatic as I thought it would be. I thought it would be pitch blackness ZOMG I CAN'T SEE! It's more like when you close your eyes, and you can still make out shapes and light somewhat, and you can pretty much still see the corners of the room, just not the light you were staring at. It does smell a little bit for the 10-15 seconds that the laser is actually on, but even that isn't bad at alllllllll!

So it's basically like this:
Go in. Have your eyes checked/measured again to make sure your prescription is the same and to get super accurate readings on everything.
Take a valium. Sit and chill for a bit. Get a nifty little cap to put over your head/hair.
Go into the surgery room. Have your eyes swabbed. Have one eye covered up. Have numbing eye drops put in. Lean alllllllllllll the way back. Have your lashes and lids clipped up a little bit out of the way.
Look up into a red light. The doc talks you through things he's doing, he goes over your eye with some stuff, he tells you you're gonna feel some pressure. You feel some pressure, you "go blind" for a few secs. The red light comes back. The laser goes on. The laser goes kakakakakkakakakaka for a few seconds. You smell the "burning" a little bit. The laser goes off. The doc goes over your eyes with some stuff. He puts drops in. VOILAH. Right eye is done.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat for left eye.

SO FRIGGIN COOL!!!!!!!!!!!

So since I like to leave my mark and make things exciting and memorable, I had to have one slight thing go wrong. After the surgery, mi mami came to pick me up and we're walking outside to the car. We take about 2 steps into the bright ass sun and I start feeling dizzy. So I say, "I feel kinda dizzy." N then I take 2 more steps and it starts going black. So I say, "Mom, it's going black, is that bad?" My mom knew what was up INSTANTLY, so she starts bracing me for the faint that she knows is coming. But in my post-lasik world, all I can think is, OH NO, the procedure has gone TERRIBLY wrong, I'm going BLIND!!!! Then I guess I said something about my knees buckling, which I don't remember at all. Next thing I know, my mom is saying, "Honey, honey, can you stand up now?" And I'm thinking, stand up? I am standing up? Wait, omg, I can see. OHHHH. I had LASIK! How cool!!!! Wait, why am I on the ground? Did I pass out? What's going on?" My mom said I was out for a good 2 minutes or so.


A nice little man saw the commotion and ran back into the Dr's office to tell them that one of their patients fainted outside. Then my mom ushers me off into the shade to a bench where I can sit with my head between my legs. Then the doctor's staff rushes out with water and a bag of goldfish. They keep telling me that since I'm "so petite" (GAWD I hate that phrase) that 5mg of valium probably made me faint, and I should get more food in my system. So I'm sitting there drinking water and eating goldfish. Then they take me back inside just to check that I didn't fuck my eyes up on the way down (lol). The doc is like, are you okay? Well, actually, all I care about is your eyes! Good times. Then we try it again and I actually make it to the car. It was kinda hilarious. They called later on to make sure I was okay. Then when I went back in for my check up everyone kept calling me the fainting girl. *sigh* It's not like I did that shit on purpose. And now, for my next scene, a dramatic faint *falls to the ground* LOL. OH well. At least they'll remember me.